Call jokes

What do you call it when cats rebel?

Mew-tiny!

If I got a dollar everytime someone called me a racist

Black people would rob me

speak, three languages you are trilingual, two, bi-lingual, what do they call you if you only speak one language?

American

My boss calls me "the computer".

Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz

(This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

Randomly came up with this joke laying in bed one night - What do you call a bald eagle with the flu that migrates from Mexico to the US?

An ill eagle immigrant...

My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

What's a word that starts with an N ends in an R, and is something you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour

There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology

It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.

What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American literature ?

Tequila Mockingbird

A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.

The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.

What is a Karen called in Europe?

An American.

Have you heard about the restaurant called karma?

There's no menu, you get what you deserve.

I called the library to try to make a reservation...

But they said they were fully booked.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the handjob?"

She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."

He says, "Well, wash your fuckin' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

Dad Joke

Dad: (Grabs his chest) Call me an ambulance

Son: You are........ an ambulance

Dad: Proud of you son.

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holidays...

It's called "The Salivation Army"

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You have a deal!"

The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.