The head of KFC called the Pope
He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 10 million.
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 100 million.
The Pope said, "You have a deal!"
The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.
In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .
It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!
What happens when you call a duck?
His phone wings
What do you call a punctuation mark that's got a girlfriend?
..accommodating.
There are a lot of double standards in dating. Like if a girl has sex with a bunch of dudes, she called a "slut."
If I do it, I'm called a "homosexual."
After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.
So they arrested me for wasting police time.
An employee gets called into his boss’s office...
Boss: “Young man, you have risen very fast in this company. Two years ago, you began as an office boy. In a couple of months, you were a clerk. Then, you became a salesman, after that assistant manager, then manager. Now you are the vice president of the company. What have you to say about all this?"
Employee: "Thanks, Dad".
Almost all coins look the same
This must be what we call a coincidence
What do you call immigrants to Sweden?
Artificial Swedeners
What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long?
A "Pi"-thon.
(brought to you by the bad puns initiative)
What do you call particularly complex stairs?
Stairs with extra steps.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full
What do you call an emo a capella group?
Self harmony
What did they call the conflict between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr?
The Ham-Burr-Grrr.
I'm not even sorry.
What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?
A roads scholar
Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'
Mainly going to be a cover band
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with two people is called a twosome...
then I know why people call you handsome.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Carlos
We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier
But it was getting late so we decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A little get together.