Field jokes

They said "Find something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life"

They are darn right, that field isn't hiring!

I told my daughter, "Go to bed. The cows are in the field."

Puzzled, she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I told her, "That means it's pasture bedtime!"

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.

I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"

I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields.

They still came out pretty grainy.

How can you identify a good farmer?

He's out standing in his field.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize

He was outstanding in his field

Why can't orphans go on school field trips?

Parent Signature: _______

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

A pair of cows...

... were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"

The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"

The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"

The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."

A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Two electric windmills are standing in a field.

One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?" The second one replies "I'm a huge metal fan".

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

My friends a farmer with a huge ego problem

All I did was ask where he was and he brags that he’s out standing in his field

A farmer had 196 cows in his field

When he rounded them up he had 200