a welsh man was asked if he would have sex with a sheep for 1000$
the welsh man said "sure but under three conditions."
first, the sheep shouldn't have any diseases obviously
secondly, I don't want anyone i know to hear about this
and finally, give me a week to gather the 1000 dollars for you
I guess i have a nice butt
Because everytime i walk away from a conversation i hear, " what an ass ".
Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
I guess someone made a hole in Juan.
I used to be a phone sex operator...
But I got hearing aids.
A man is walking past the mental hospital
through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.
Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?
Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"
Didja hear the joke about the piece of paper ripped in half?
It's tearable.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers.
Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?
He was arrested for *possession.*
An old man doesn't feel well...
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs?
They say they're in bread.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants...
The bartender looks over and says, "Get the fuck out of my bar, we're sick of hearing this goddamn joke."
On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me...
“If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."
"Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?
She was crushed by a title wave.