Joke jokes

Daughter

Daughter

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

Priest

Priest

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"

Father

Father

A father and his son went outside for a walk.

The son steps on a butterfly. The father jokes : “Your going to have to eat some butter now!”

When they return back to their home, they find the kid’s mother cooking in the kitchen. She accidentally steps on a cockroach. The son says to the father : “I’ll leave you guys to it then.”

Bar

Bar

What's Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke?

So this bar goes into a guy...

Upvote

What do you call a joke with only two upvotes?

Original material.

Man

Man

My favourite lawyer joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all lawyers are assholes.' A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!' 'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies. 'No I'm an asshole!'

Morning

Morning

Every morning at breakfast for the past year 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

Jokes

Jokes

I decided to to write a joke about restraining orders.

This is the closest I got.

Holocaust joke

Holocaust joke

Holocaust jokes aren't funny

Anne frankly, they need to stop

Rainbow

Rainbow

What do you find at the end of a rainbow?

A “W”

( joke from my 8 yo daughter)

Friend

Friend

My friend told me a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn't remotely funny.

Chemistry joke

Chemistry joke

Can we please stop posting chemistry jokes?

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

Roommate

Roommate

My roommate claims i’m schizophrenic.

Jokes on him, I don’t have a roommate.

You: Bastard

Me: You just did

You: I’m not gonna do that

Me: This joke only makes sense if you read it backwards

Dubai

Dubai

No joke, Dubai spent billions on a bunch of man-made islands and they are now sinking.

I guess all the money in the world can't help erect-isle dysfunction

Jew

Jew

You know what, as a Jew, I'm getting really tired of these Jewish jokes.

We need to stop giving them away for free and figure out a way to monetize them.

Shower

Shower

Where does He-Man keep his towel?

BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!!

I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.

Frog

Frog

First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours?

A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously replies "Are you shitting me?"

Car

Car

A Woody Joke

What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car

With Wooden Seats

Wooden Tires

And A Wooden Engine?

It Wooden't Start

Atheist

Atheist

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."