People jokes

Bernie Sanders confronted the head of the NSA and asked him why they are still illegally surveilling Americans.

The guy replied, “Some people just like to watch the world, Bern.”

did you know light travels faster than sound?

That's why people look bright until they talk

People say I'm crazy for trying to invent a mind-controlled air freshener...

but it makes scents when you think about it.

Safe Driving

Officer: Why did you deliberately run into that crowd of people?!

Man: Well, my brakes failed. There was a crowd on one side of the road, and a single man on the other.

Officer: SO WHY DID YOU HIT THE CROWD!?!

Man: Naturally, I swerved left to avoid the crowd, and hit that single man! But then ... that SELFISH bastard ran across the road towards the crowd!

Two morgue workers are talking...

They are telling stories about the people they've had on their table when one of them says: "I had a woman come in the other day and she had breasts like watermelons, man."

"Well, I had a woman come in the other day," the other one says, "and she had a clitoris like a lemon."

"What? She had a huge clitoris?"

"No, it was really sour."

I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously...

I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.

So two people are about to have sex for the first time

and the lady says, "Unfortunately I have small boobs, is that alright with you?"

To which the male replies, "Yea it's alright, I have a dick like a baby."

After the sex the lady exclaims, "You have the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life, Why did you say it was like a baby?"

"It is. 9 pounds 6 ounces and a foot in height."

I keep asking people what LGBT stands for.

No ones given me a straight answer.

If online bullying has taught us anything.....

It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea.

Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"

You racist!

An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars at the currency exchange was getting irritated at the teller.

She asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty. Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”.

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people, too!”

Why do gay people smile so much?

It's hard for them to keep a straight face.

People who have Only Fans,

What is stopping you from upgrading to an Air Conditioner?

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with two people is called a twosome...

then I know why people call you handsome.

Why do people consistently make bad chemistry jokes?

Because all the good ones Argon.

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian descent .

It was only few weeks later, he realised that the driver actually asked " Did you come today?'

What does Mario use to talk to dead people?

A Luigi Board

People laugh at my car because it's ugly and green

At least I avacado

I wrote the names of everyone I have unfriended onto a piece of paper, but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.