She jokes

What do depressed people and apples have in common? They both hang from trees.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber, and I'm not gonna die the same way.

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps," etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

What's a depressed person's favorite drink? Depresso espresso. JK, bleach.

Think everyone who wrote these jokes is dead yet?

There are some sounds that everyone loves:

- Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring

I know I'm valuable; I come with a barcode ;)

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope...

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you're not."

What flour do you give an orphan? Self-raising.

"I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home alone.

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" That's what I say.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

I wanna be a Christmas decoration because they always do be hanging.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump, Then the speed bump starts screaming.

How do parents punish their blind kids? They re-arrange the furniture.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.