There jokes

A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’

The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.

Pretty lame I guess depends on how many of you get it.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Door mum

Door mum who?

I've come to bargain

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.

Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says

"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

I was real upset when I lost my nonbinary friend at the store

But I felt better when someone told me "They're there"

Girls call me Mr. Microsoft

because I have a 3.5 inch floppy

Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.

I’ve been working on it tirelessly.

So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand

Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"

I used to think the brain was the most important organ.

And then I thought, look what's telling me that.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl-Esh.

Breaking News: Cheese factory explosion!

De Brie everywhere.

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw them in the mainstream

I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....

Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.

Why did the blind fly starve to death??

Because he couldn't see shit

The bartender told him, "We don't serve time travellers here!"

A time traveller walked into a bar,