There jokes

Coffee

I like my coffee like how I like my slaves

Free

Mom

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

My date started choking last night so I quickly pulled my cock out.

"How's that going to help?" asked the waiter.

Casino

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino.

After four weeks they still hadn’t been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.

They told me they were still dealing with my order.

Difference

What's a difference between a crusade and a homicide

In one, you murder for a book and in other you are booked for a murder.

Superman was flying over a city NSFW

And he sees Wonderwoman laying naked on a rooftop patio in the sun. He swoops down and before she knows it, he rails her and flies off. "What was that?" she cries. The invisible man says "I dunno, but my asshole sure hurts."

Wife

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

Girl

I met my dream girl at the morgue

but she didn't warm up to my advances.

Prostitute

What do you call a prostitute who does both men and women?

An omniwhore.

Man

A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks

'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'

'yup'

'It looks brand new!'

'It is.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'

'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'

'yup'

'Wow, can't turn that down.'

Stewardess

“Stewardess”

“Yes, Sir?”

“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”

“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”