The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but
yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?
Abdul: Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Today is Abdul's farewell party.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off
Police arrested two kids yesterday
one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.
I went to a really emotional wedding yesterday. Nearly everybody was crying.
Even the cake was in tiers.
I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday
I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
I went for an early walk through the cemetery yesterday.
And as I walked I saw a man squatting behind a gravestone. “Morning” I said to him, to which he replied “no, just taking a shit”.
Yesterday I tried to set my new password as "beefstew"
It said the password was not stroganoff...
A close call.
Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
Yesterday, in a job interview, the guy asked me if I could perform under pressure.
I said no, but, I would give Bohemian Rapsody a go.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.
That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?
Homework.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book
Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
I am always a Gentleman.
I always open doors for a Ladies.
I was holding a door open for a young lady
Yesterday, ignorant bitch said to me.
"Will you fuck off, I'm trying to have a shit."
Tim, the 68-year old virgin died yesterday.
He never got to 69.
Cant work for my boss anymore
Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.
Friend: What did he say?
Me: " You're fired "
I got a hand job yesterday
I'm now officially a sign language interpreter
Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me...
I thought it was a nice jester...
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...
"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?"
“Yesterday." I replied.
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
**The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity**