Jokes

why should you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?

Cause she's probably thick and tired of it

A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,572 trees.

“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired.

“Easy. I keep a log.”

NSFW

Going to work

Yesterday my crush told me that “I was like a brother to her” I was sad at first then I remember

She was from Alabama

My wife is blaming me for ruining our Anniversary

Which is ridiculous, cause I didn't know it was our Anniversary in the first place

A redneck broke up with his girlfriend

it wasn't all that bad, she said they could still be cousins.

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.

Everytime he checks, you'll think he's won the game.

Why is Jesus easy to insult?

It takes him 3 days to comeback.

It’s the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, “And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women’s dorms past eight o'clock at night, it’s fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.”

One pledge raises his hand and asks, “How much for a season pass?”

What we call a monster we can't find?

Wherewolf.

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day 2. I run for an hour before breakfast 3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up. 4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something. 5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it. 6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company. 7. I meditate every day

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.

MAN, I sure am LUCKY!

I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!

What did God say after creating the first digestive system?

Shit just got real.

Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs?

They say they're in bread.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted

" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "

Speaker dropped the mic.

Why are Ukrainian women the best women to date?

No matter how many times you come over, she keeps Putin out.

He offered her honor

She honored his offer.

So all night it was honor offer honor offer honor offer.

I like my oreos like I like my people...

...held under the surface till the bubbles stop.