Hide jokes

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

Have you seen the clown at Walmart that hides from gay people?

Of course you haven't.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees very often?

Because they are really good at it.

How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

Easy, just paint his balls red.

Now what’s the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries

My 7 year old told me this joke. I hadn't heard it before - What does a camel use to hide itself?

Camelflage

I’m trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy.

Good players are hard to find.

To the wheelchair-bound thief who took my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

Ever heard of 'Naked and Afraid'? That's my uncle's version of hide and seek.

Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?

Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.

I saw my girlfriend midway through sex with another guy.

So I pulled up my pants and told him to hide.

What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease?

You can hide your own easter eggs

Where is the best place to hide after killing someone?

Behind a badge..

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

The wife said, "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

The husband said, "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

The wife said, "And what about the smell???"

The husband replied, "Just block the fish's nose...."

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek...

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”.