Neighbor jokes

I need to Re-Home a small Dog.

It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot. If you are interested.

Let me know and I will jump over my neighbors garden fence and get the fucker for you...........

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!

Is my wife a pervert?

So I was standing looking out my bedroom window whipping one off to my neighbors gorgeous wife who was sunbathing, when I turned around to see my wife standing there looking at me! So my question is do yous think she’s some sort of pervert?

Neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3AM

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer

I saw it through my telescope last night.

All the proof you need.

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

My 5 year-old son caught me having sex with my wife.

He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"

"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.

"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."

What will the neighbors think?

With summer getting sunnier a woman asks her husband: "What do you think: should I go sunbathing in the nude in the backyard?" The husband just shrugs and says:"Do as you like." The woman replies: "What do you think the neighbors will say if they see me sunbathing like that?" The husband replies:"They'll probably think I married you for the money."

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

When it's been Halloween for a few months but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed

...just because I re-posted it.

Apparently 1 in 3 households live next door to a pedophile

Not me though, I live next to two smoking hot 7 year olds.

Dad explained the difference between theory and reality.

Dad told me to ask mom if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Mom said she would. Dad then told me to ask my sister if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Sis said she would. Dad said right. In theory, we are sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we are living with two whores.

My neighbor just got arrested for growing pot plants

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex.

I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

My neighbors listen to some great music at night.

Whether they like it or not.