She jokes

It’s just the worst thing ever when you shout the wrong name during sex.

I accidentally shouted out my sister’s name last week...

My mum was not happy!

Have you heard the disease you get from kissing birds?

It's called Chirpes.

It's a canerial disease.

It's untweetable.

do NOT use shampoo as lube

It will completely fuck with your car

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you".

So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism

It was the least I could do.

what do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

I told my doctor that I got a nasty reaction from applying the haemorrhoid cream he prescribed.

He asked where I had applied it.

I was on the bus.

I like my women how I like my Corona viruses

Easy to get, quick to spread and leaving me out of breath

My son just told me he joined the Army. I asked him why and proudly, he said he joined up to kill people.

He's a terrible nurse.

What did the winner of the muscle loss competition get?

A-trophy

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

Where do cow farts come from?

The dairy air.

Louis CK helped me change a flat tire.

All I had to do was watch him jack it.

Why is Thor's brother always overlooked?

Because he's low key.

What's it called when an Asian man gives his best friend head?

A bro job.

Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great...

But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.

Masturbation should be considered a craft...

as it is 100% hand made.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, "Ah well, I guess you had to be there."

An undertaker says to a bereaved husband

‘When did you realise your wife was dead?’ ‘Well,’ he replies, ‘the sex was the same but the dishes just kept piling up...’

from Internet.