The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality...... “In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”
Why do north Koreans draw the straightest lines?
because they have a supreme ruler
A guard asks a woman on death row what she’d like for her final meal.
“idk, what do you want?”
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
Pro Tip: Make sure it says "Made in the USA" on your bottle of Viagra...
If it says "Made in Moscow", you will run the risk of the Russians meddling in your erections.
What do you call a horny square?
Erectangle
What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A Woman
I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I was kidnapped by mimes
They did unspeakable things to me
A condom that is 100% effective . . .
is inconceivable.
What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?
An electron
**I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about reincarnation.**
She asked "what actually is reincarnation?"
I said to her, "well, its when you die and come back as something completely different."
"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed!!
I said, "you"re not listening are you.....?
Why was the Pepsi employee fired?
He tested positive for coke.
A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.
She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?“
“It was 1959“, says the pilot.
"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"
Pilot looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."
What religion do ghosts adhere to?
Boodhism
You should never have sex with anyone in your family...
Even if they inceest.
My parrot died today...
His last words were
“Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die”
Fact
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies...... Men are so polite that they only look at the covered parts!
I got lead poisoning from a Dr. Pepper knock-off
I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again
What’s yellow and hurts if you get it in you eye?
A bulldozer