Call jokes

Can

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener

Mask

I'm no Trumper but these so called "health experts" are liars!

They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store!!

When I got there, everyone else also had clothes on :/

Monster

What we call a monster we can't find?

Wherewolf.

Speed

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?

Chevy Chase.

Pizza

What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?

A pepperonly pizza!

What do you call it when a leprechaun gives you a handjob?

A stroke of luck.

Kid

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

Body

What do you call someone with no body and no nose ?

Nobody knows

War

What do you call a war between two cannibal tribes?

A food fight.

Guy

What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

Girlfriend

I hate it when guys call their girlfriends their "partner in crime". Like we get it dude she's underage

Boy

What do you call a boy who finally stood up to his bullies?

An ambulance.

GF

What do you call a bass player without a GF?

Homeless.

Man

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.

He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.