You jokes

My vision is like 2020

It’s terrible

My dentist pulled a wrong tooth

it was accidental

I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

An Indian family went into self quarantine

after eating lunch at their English friend’s house as they couldn’t taste anything.

I called the tinnitus hotline

but it just kept ringing :/

I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday?

She said, she wanted unicorns,fairies and rainbows.

LSD it is then.

You know they say orange is the new black

I guess that's why Trump is president

Have you heard of the sexual maneuver called the "Reverse Hitler"?

It's where you ejaculate inside of an anus. i.e. create 6 million lives in a gas chamber.

What do you give a cannibal who is late for dinner?

The cold Shoulder.

A judge in Soviet Russia walks out of a courtroom giggling to himself.

Another judge stops him and asks what's so funny.

"Oh man, I just heard this joke about Comrade Stalin in my courtroom."

"I wan't to hear it" says the second judge.

The first judge says, "No way, I just gave someone 25 years in the gulag for it."

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

Friend: I got kicked out of math class today.

Me: Why? Friend: Turns out mouthwash doesn't come after 69.

The worst part about working at the unemployment office?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

The US should make DC, Guam, and PR states.

53 is a prime number.

Then we would truly be 1 nation, indivisible.

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.

He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra”, I said.

“That’s a freebie.”

Never marry a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now! Wait...

Here's some advice for all men

If you get a boner in public, point up at the sky and shout "OH FUCK LOOK OVER THERE!" It's all about the missed erection

A gamer dies and goes to hell...

After one week, the devil goes to God:

\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"

There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.