A joke my grandmother, of all people, told me when I was a kid.
I don't know how many of y'all have heard this joke, but here it goes.
Two guys were at a University of Georgia football game when one of them looks down at the Georgia Bulldog sidelines and sees Uga, the school mascot, licking himself like dogs like to do. The guy smiles, leans over to his buddy while pointing at Uga and says, "Man, I wish I could do that". His friend looks back at him in surprise and says, "Man, that dog would bite you!"
My brother wanted to share his original joke with you guys so here we go...
You guys wanna see my invisible jet, well you can’t
Why aren't there many jokes about Jonestown?
The *punchlines* are so long.
Wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Actually, never mind. I'll finish, you'll be thoroughly disappointed, and then I'll start crying.
Short and sweet cannibal joke
Did you know cannibals don’t exist anymore... I ate the last one yesterday
An average person tends to be a mean person
Math joke.
My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?
An Insti-Gator
I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much...
They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
In the Soviet Union there was a 10 year wait list
On cars. You had to collect the money and register 10 years in advance. A guy goes to register, makes the payment and the sales person asks him to get back after 10 years for the car. The guy asks "morning or afternoon?"
The sales person asks how does it matter -you're already waiting 10 years. The guy replies "because the plumber is visiting in the morning".
Old Soviet insider joke. Pardon any English mistakes.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
After the delivery
(Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family)
What makes a good pizza joke?
It’s all in the delivery
Grandpa joke: What becomes shorter when you add 2 letters?
Short
My 7 year old told me this joke. I hadn't heard it before - What does a camel use to hide itself?
Camelflage
What's the difference between a pun and a dad joke?
A pun can make you groan, but a dad joke goes even father.
How does a cat like its steak cooked...
Raaaaaaaare.
I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.
I don't always tell Dad jokes,
but when I do, he tells me to get my fucking life together and stop being a disappointment.
Only self aware people will understand this joke.
You know who you are.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, 'cause I'm still here.
My mom asks me to stop making jokes about suicide. I answer: "Don’t worry...I'll stop soon."
